I want you to be there forever. Laying on the floor of my bedroom and closing your eyes and listening to music while I pretend to do the same. Your thumb running over my knuckles and your palm sweat mingling with mine- and you don't mind. It doesn't matter to you that my fan is dusty or my bed is tumbled or there is a cup of tea from three days ago on my nightstand. The fact that I don't wear the same clothes as other girls and the fact that I tell dirty jokes and the fact that I am inappropriate too often, none of it phases you. You know that I get depressed sometimes and if I don't answer you it's because I love you too much to expose you to my personal waking nightmare, and you know that I have panic attacks and I am afraid to sleep with the window open. You understand that I can't be smothered from too much affection, and you understand that I have problems sleeping without you pressed against me, and you understand that when I push you away it's because other people have broken me when they got so close.
I don't want to spend the beginning of my life without you or the rest of my life without you because you are the most important person I may ever have the opportunity to meet. There is this feeling of pure euphoria when I look at you with your obnoxiously lovely face. It's something I can't help, because I know that you're the special one. You're that person I've read about in books, and I imagine my life with late at night, and I wanted to know on the nights when someone else broke my heart. You are the person that I know I'll spend the rest of my life trying to impress although you've been amazed since the first moment, and you're the person who will convince me to have children, and you're the person who will hold my hand even when I don't deserve you.
There is a striving in my entire being to understand your little things. I want to see you when you're angry, and when you're sad, and I want to understand what makes you feel like that, so I won't do it too often. Please help me learn about your favorite foods and your favorite novels and favorite movies, let me read the poems you write when you want to be an artist. Show me your paintings you made with ten-year-old finger paint. Teach me how to tickle you and explain your deepest fears.
Let me into your rib cage and let me make my home there.
I promise to be so careful.
Loving someone so much can make you wonder what you would do without them, trust me, I've felt it before. But you, man, you are the anomaly in this world of mine. You are the one I can't pin down, and the one I would never want to trap. The things I think and feel around you are a tornado ripping through everything I've ever found to be true.
I question it all, for you.
...
When the song ends and your eyes open, you breath up from the bottom of your ribs to your collarbone, and you look over. There is something in your eyes that shatters my world every time they meet mine. When you just lean over and kiss me, like it's a habit you'll never give up, I think I might lose myself in this, this, world. I guess that's my real description of what I want from you. When it's us, we, together in the togetherness of it all, nothing else exists. The world is new and it's only you and I, and I don't think I could ever breath again without your lips reminding me how. You have created a world of knowledge and hope and nobody else has the rocket power to get here. It will be infinite years before we are disturbed, and, even then, you will just open those eyes and look at me and kiss me like a habit, and,
oh,
a new world is created.
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